It happens every week. You wake up after a relaxing Sunday, pour that first cup of office brew, settle in at the desk, and ask yourself
Where on earth is that sound coming from???
You know the one I mean. The faint barking and flapping coming in over the web, that tells you Moonbattery is alive and well in this best of all possible worlds. (Statistically, 11% of you got the reference.)
Some days, it’s hard to tell exactly where the sound is coming from. Fortunately, this morning wasn’t one of those days. Two clicks from home, I found it – or rather Lowering the Bar found it, and put my mind … well, not exactly to rest.
It seems the mayor of Wellford, South Carolina has discovered the secret to avoiding the high human and financial cost of police chases, as well as the collateral damage that so frequently accompanies a police pursuit. Her brilliant solution can be summarized in three little words.
Don’t Chase Them.
Not letting the police chase down fleeing suspects?? BRILLIANT!
Now, some detractors (clearly all right wing kooks with no respect for the kind of good work Mayor McCheese Peake is trying to accomplish here) might ask, “how do you expect the police to catch criminals if they can’t chase them?”
Easy. In fact, if you’d bothered to check the archives, you’d find I’ve already explained the strategy here. You simply tell them, “Stop that right now.” If they don’t listen, repeat yourself, using a firm voice that makes the offender know you really really mean it.
Or, in the immortal words of Robin Williams…”Stop, or I’ll say stop again!”
I’m sure that will work. In the meantime, I’ll put this down as reason #57 Not to Move to South Carolina. Unless You’re a Criminal.
UPDATE (09/28/09 16:02): It appears, after consulting with legal counsel, Her Honor the Mayor has decided to rescind the “no chase for you!” policy. Probably for the best. All that yelling, “Stop in the name of the law!” was probably putting a strain on the officers’ vocal chords – which just begs for increases in workers’ comp claims.
To be perfectly candide, I wasn’t aware that there were other possible worlds… OK, perhaps possible, but hardly likely.
Of course, were the streets paved with gold and all the “bad guys” well paper-trained, with bobbed tails and ears, walking at heel on leashes, ”Stop, or I’ll say stop again!” would indeed be the best of all possible methods for controlling non-existent crime.
Comment by David — September 28, 2009 @ 1:40 pm