Friend and blogging ally David of third world county has posted a Thursday 13 Ways to Have a Better Day. Given my current status (Weeds! Weeds Everywhere!) and lack of inspiration, it occurred to me that I could piggyback on his ideas (aka: “steal his topic”) and offer suggestions for those unable to follow his advice word for word.
In light of this (and with sincere apologies to third world county) I’m offering the following:
Thursday 13 Alternative Ways to Have a Better Day – In Case You Can’t Completely Comply With TWC’s Suggestions
(Note: you’d better go read David’s post first, or this one won’t make nearly as much sense. Done there? OK…read on…)
1. If you can’t think happy thoughts, think well-sugared ones. (Cut off on the road? Sounds like someone needs a cookie…)
2. Laugh at people who frustrate you. Don’t explain why. (Smiling makes them think you’re crazy … laughing makes them desperate to find an excuse to leave the room and figure out what’s unbuttoned.)
3. Leave your shoes sitting by the door to your office, with the left one about 9″ in front of the right one. If someone asks, tell them the shoes were just going out to get you a Starbucks. (Extra points if you can keep a straight face long enough to ask the questioner if (s)he wants the shoes to bring something back for them too.)
4. Try to convince a solicitor to buy something from you instead. (Bonus: make it something that doesn’t exist. We call this the “everyone needs a Shiny Dinglehopper” game.)
5. Find one of the household (or office) messes nobody ever wants to clean up. The ones that sit around forever, waiting for someone to give in. Clean it up. When someone asks whether you know who cleaned it up, deny the mess ever existed. (Note: bonus points for not hogging credit, probable loss of points for messing with people’s minds – but if you’re having that kind of a day, go for it.)
6. While you’re being pleasant to idiots, give them the kind of compliment that makes you smile inside without attracting attention. (My personal favorite: “You know, nobody could do this job better than you just did it.” Think about that one for a minute. Statistically, 87% of you will smile, and the other 13% had someone say it to you today already.)
7. After you turn off the news, make up a story that justifies the immediate consumption of cookies. (For example: Baking cookies generates heat. Heat causes global warming. Therefore, cookies cause global warming. Eating the cookies consumes objects responsible for global warming. Therefore, you’re not eating cookies, you’re saving the planet.)
8. Ditto for the ice cream. (Cows cause global warming. Ice cream comes from cows. You get the picture.)
9. Take another nap. (If you’re in the office, wear sunglasses.)
10. Laugh at life’s little annoyances. (You’ll feel better, and there’s also the side benefit of making them think they stepped in something.)
11. Intentionally omitted. (I was going to combined “coffee” and “beer” – but there are some things even I won’t do.)
12. Practice random acts of prayer on behalf of those whose bodies you would otherwise be burying. (You know exactly what I’m talking about. Wipe that look off your face and get to it.)
13. Forgive the blogger who tried to crib a Thursday 13 off of your much better and more inspired version of the same topic, on the grounds that imitation is the sincerest (if least inventive) form of flattery.
