The Random Yak

Filed under: Yaks of the Week — Random Yak @ 12:41 pm on August 9, 2007

After hearing yesterday’s news that a U.K.-based environmentalist believes exercise contributes to global warming (again, tip of the horns, Adam’s Blog), and in the interest of demonstrating my concern for the environment, I have decided to offer the following

Thursday 13 Ways to FightExercise-Induced Contributions to Global Warming

1. Get the door…it’s Domino’s. (For those who would argue that the pizza delivery contributes to global warming: one car delivering a dozen pizzas means a dozen families staying home. On the whole, the net exercise reduction more than offsets the single set of vehicular emissions.)

2. Cancel the gym membership. Replace it with a subscription to NetFlix.

3. Make the dog use the treadmill while you watch from the comfort of the sofa.

4. Eat only foods that come in microwave containers or include instructions which read in part, “pull back foil from tater tots.” (Yes, the production costs more, but you offset that by not having to actually cook. Trust me.)

5. Trade the early-morning walk for an extra hour of sleep. (Preferably followed by liberal helpings of homemade pancakes.)

6. Don’t wear shoes. (Shoe leather comes from flatulent cows. Flatulent cows … you know the drill)

7. Telecommute. (Eliminate annoying co-workers, freeway traffic and drycleaning bills … it’s an anti-global warming hat trick!)

8. Then call in sick and spend the day watching those movies from NetFlix.

9. Throw out the baseball glove, bicycle and track shoes. Replace with XBox 360, Playstation 3 and a one-year paid subscription to World of Warcraft. (Then, if you really want toavoid leaving the house, level a holy priest. Solo.)

10. Meat and vegetables have high carbon footprints.Choosecarbon-friendly alternative foods likepizza, oreos amd ice cream.

11. Lawnmowers waste gasoline and effort. Buya sheep. (Buy two, they’re smaaaaaal.)

12. Move the TV and fridge to the bedroom for easy low-carbon living.

13. When in doubt … nap!

Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, Conservative Cat, High Desert Wanderer, and Conservative Thoughts, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.