It occurs to me that many people have difficulty understanding lawyers. I attribute this difficulty to the fact that most lawyers prefer to speak Legalese, a derivative of English picked up by members of the Bar some time between matriculation into Law School and finally grabbing the brass ring commonly known as “partnership.” In the interests of promoting greater understanding between the population at large and members of the Bar, I will attempt to provide a basic “Legal-to-English” translation kit.
Part 1. Legal Nouns.
1. Brief (n.)A legal paper used in a court or other legal proceeding.(See also: Oxymoron, verbosity, ravings of a pompous windbag.) As a rule, not.
2. Litigation (n.) A. A hole in the legal system you throw money into. B. An opportunity for brief legal exchanges (heh), punctuated by long periods of lawyers yelling at one another. (See also: quadruple bypass performed with meat cleaver.)
3. Judge (n.) A. A hole in the legal system you throw arguments into. B.Someone who makes brief decisions in public.
Useful Legalese Phrase of the Day:
“You fail to appreciate the difficulties of my situation.” Translation: “I may sue you shortly.” “My client intends to sue you shortly.” “Quit your obnoxious insistence on your side of the story and capitulate to my demands. (Or I will sue you shortly).”
Legal Question of the Day:
How do most lawyers manage to acquire such rotten reputations? Answer: They practice.
(Statistically, only attorneys and my mother got that, but I couldn’t resist.)
More to follow, unless the Bar finds me first.
Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, Planck’s Constant, Rosemary’s Thoughts, Conservative Cat, and Adam’s Blog, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.
