February 7-14 is official “Rejection Risk Awareness Week.”
This obviously has something to do with the Observance Which Must Not Be Named (which happens to fall somewhere at the end of the week in question). Now, I Will Not Blog about the Observance Which Must Not Be Named, but the risk of rejection is something I know (more than) a little about, so under the circumstances I think a post is in order.
To all of you out there who, not being married, face a risk of rejection (as opposed tothe absolute certainty we married types enjoy and rely upon), I offer the following advice:
Use rejectiondisclaimers.
Women (and men) can easily avoid the risk of having to rejectco-workers and other allegedly available but potentially undesirable dating partners by following a few simple steps.
1. Prepare disclaimer.
2. Hand out disclaimer (or post in a visible location near your place of work) to avoid the risk of having to reject – and thereby injure the feelings of – Those Who Hope To Date You But Haven’t Got a Prayer.
Simple disclaimers are best. I suggest something like the following:
Dating Availability Policy and Disclaimer
The individual delivering or displaying this Dating Availability Policy and Disclaimer (”Gentle Letdown”) has provided or posted it for your personal notice and edification (”Emotional Safety”). This Gentle Letdown is being posted or provided because you requested, suggested, implied, wished, hoped for, fantasized about, pretended or otherwise engaged in conduct (”Dreaming”) indicating you wish to date, marry, have lunch,converse, understand or breathe the same air as the individual delivering or displaying this Gentle Letdown (”Object Well Outside Your Dating Universe”).
The Object Well Outside Your Dating Universe is providing this Gentle Letdowndue to your display ofone or more unacceptable personal habits, tendencies or preferences (”Deal-Breakers”), whichmay include without limitation: excessive self-esteem, lack of self esteem, obnoxious behavior, chauvenism, feminism, communism, overenvironmentalism (”Tree-Hugging”), liberality, conservatism, odd habits, personal hygiene issues (”Funk”), overexcitability, underexcitability, personality, lack of personality, loud laugh, odd laugh, no laugh, item-stuck-between-teeth-after-lunch, dog ownership, cat ownership,snake-or-reptile ownership, living with parents, living in basement, living in cave, living in Dark Ages (See also “chauvenism”), and living with obnoxious roommates who play video games all night (”Geeks”).
Do not attempt to undo or circumvent this Gentle Letdown by denial, explanation, fabrication, elimination, modification or mitigation of Deal Breakers (”Pathetic Behavior”). Engaging in Pathetic Behavior is also a Deal Breaker which will not get you any closer to the Object Well Outside Your Dating Universe.
Non-dreamers are welcome to ask for a date.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, third world county, A Blog For All, and basil’s blog, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.
