The Random Yak

Here at The Random Yak, we pride ourselves on our helpful, socially-minded commentary.  With that in mind, and with the Thanksgiving holiday fast approaching, we thought we’d bring in a “Guest Yak” to prepare the responses to our Thanksgiving Yak FAQ.

And so, with no further ado, permit me to introduce our “Guest Yak” – Gobbles, the Not-Quite-Pardoned Thanksgiving Turkey:

Welcome, Gobbles, and thank you for taking time out of your obviously hectic week to respond to some of the more important Thanksgiving questions facing our readers.

Oobie, Oobie. (Or, In English, “on with the questions”)

1. Are you sure that’s a turkey? It looks more like a peacock to me.

Silly human! I am impersonating a peacock for purposes of escaping the nefarious schemes of Americans seeking to cook me and place me on the dining table Thursday afternoon. So far, my disguise seems to be working.

2. I thought turkeys were stupid.

In the famous words of my uncle, Abraham Gobbler…better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than ask a question of a fictitious talking turkey and remove all doubt.

3. Does turkey go better with gravy or cranberry sauce?

Barbarian!  Everyone knows gravy and cranberry sauce go best with ham.  You should eat more ham.  Pigs are stupid.

4. I’m a pig, and I resent that last remark.

Don’t insult my intelligence.  You are not really a pig.  Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a talking pig.

5. Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes or yams?

Either. They all go well with … ham.

6. You look awfully skinny. Are you sick?

Yes.  Sick.  That’s it.  I’m diseased.  Scrawny too.  Eat more ham.

7. Will the Dallas Cowboys win the football game on Thanksgiving Day?

Of course they will.  Cowboys are much better than Pirates.  Pirates carry swords and cut the heads off things.  Like turkeys.  Cowboys carry lassos and eat beef.  Cowboys are therefore clearly superior life forms.  Plus, the Buccaneers have a terrible record…3 and 7. And they call ME a turkey!

8. Can I give thanks on any random day, or do I have to wait for Thanksgiving?

Depends.  Are you eating turkey?

9. Can I give thanks at random on Thanksgiving Day or does it have to be only for food, family, friends and football?

I don’t understand the question.  There is something in life beyond food, family, friends and football?

10. Was kayak really the world???s first palindrome?

No.  The world’s first palindrome was “a.”  See Genesis 1.8.

11. Why did God create turkeys?

So Congressional seats wouldn’t sit empty.

Thanks to Gobbles for filling in for this pre-Thanksgiving Yak FAQ. We’ve also asked him to help us liveblog the football games on Thanksgiving day, assuming he manages to avoid the hunters that long.

Linked to the Pre-Thanksgiving Open Trackback Post at Adam’s Blog.