The Random Yak

Thursday Thirteen: True But Strange Excuses I Never Used

Filed under: Yaks of the Week — Random Yak @ 1:47 pm on August 3, 2006

This week: The Thirteen best improbable (but actually true) excuses I’ve ever refused to use. Sometimes it seems as if circumstances conspire against us, preventing us from meeting a deadline or achieving a necessary goal through situations too odd to mention.

Truth is stranger than fiction – and I’ve got the circumstances to prove it. Here is my list of Thirteen True – but Improbably Strange – legitimate excuses I could have used, butcould never bring myself tomention in public:

1. A tortoise crawled into my computer and scratched the motherboard. (Bluescreening the machine and deletingan importantwork in progress. Yes, it actually happened and yes, I had the outer case open – proving my geek status once and for all.)

2. My editor spilled coffee on it. (Ruined several chapters in the process – and this was back in the days of typewriters. Sad, but true.)

3. The parrot thought it was a snake – andchewed it up. (Parrots hate snakes. On or off planes.)

4. My toddler hid it in his diaper. (Don’t ask, you really don’t want to know.)

5. A falcon carried it off. (This excuse actually belongs to my father, not to me, but it’s genuine and verifiable).

6. I accidentally dropped it in an aquarium.

7. I threw it away, and the dog pulled it out of the garbage and chewed it up before I could retrieve it. (Good old Chips. Half dog, half garbage disposal, all trash-can-tipper.)

8. The police moved it while they were searching the house. (Absolutely true. Happened in high school. They didn’t find anything wrong, though they did leave a few things out of place.)

9.Both back-up lights went out at the same time, and then aharness blew out and I couldn’t put the car in reverse so I couldn’t get out of the parking lot in time to get there. (Yeah – and that’s the short version.)

10. A horse licked it.

11. Because I stepped on a rosebush, barefoot. (OK, this one I actually did use, in respnose to the question “HOW did the porch get so much blood all over it.”).

12. The microwave set it on fire. (Potential – but unusedand probablyunnecessaryresponse to: how did this get burned and why is thehouse full of smoke?)

13. Idropped a fishbowl on it. (Response to: “How did you manage to break a hole in the bathroom sink?” I was eight. The sink was heavy porcelain. And somehow the fishbowl escaped unharmed.)

Linked to others participating in the Thursday Thirteen at:


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7 Comments

  1. These are funny! I’m afraid that I’ll have #4 happen any day now ;). Thanks for linking!

    Comment by MamaDuck — August 3, 2006 @ 2:10 pm

  2. Microwave. Was it a … Poodle?

    Comment by Lyn — August 3, 2006 @ 2:17 pm

  3. I am going to use these. I’ll test them out and let you know how they work! He he he parrots.

    Comment by Dane Bramage — August 3, 2006 @ 8:58 pm

  4. Oh and I am stealing this idea and using it next week (or a variation there of)

    Comment by Dane Bramage — August 3, 2006 @ 9:11 pm

  5. Glad to be of assistance – and I never mind anyone picking up the ideas. Heaven knows at least half of my best ones come from things I see others do…

    And no, Lyn. I couldn’t actually get the microwave door closed on the poodle, so I had to resort to smaller objects.

    Comment by Random Yak — August 4, 2006 @ 1:55 pm

  6. This is a great list! Very funny. And thanks for stopping by my site!

    (I’m sorry it took me so long to comment. I was here before, but didn’t understand the login.)

    Comment by Pass the Torch — August 5, 2006 @ 5:43 am

  7. No worries, our login seems to confound people sometimes. I’m not sure why but at least you made it through the gauntlet. Welcome and thanks for stopping by.

    Comment by Random Yak — August 6, 2006 @ 11:44 pm

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