The Random Yak

Thursday 13: Honoring the Iron Chef (Part 1)

Filed under: Thursday 13 — Random Yak @ 4:53 pm on September 10, 2009

I serve up today’s Thursday 13 offering (partially lifted, without remorse, from one of my early posts titled “The Best Show on Television“) in honor of The Next Iron Chef 2, a show which purports to select the most worthy-among-worthies to join the ranks of such culinary luminaries as Flay, Morimoto and Batali in the defense of kitchen stadium and its unique form of warfare.

Season 1 brought us Michael Symon – a man whose love of bacon might  even rival my own.  (An insert from Yak the Younger: John Besh got robbed, Symon should have placed second.) Season 2, which commences October 4, promises to combine all the food-fighting action of Iron Chef with the culinary panic and distress more commonly seen on Top Chef – though without the tattoos and body piercings.

So I thought I’d take this opportunity to offer the competitors a little advice.  (Yeah, like they read this blog.) Iron Chef is an educational experience, for viewer and competitor alike.  Oh, I know most consider it a competition, but that’s only scratching the surface.  If you really pay attention, there’s no limit to the things you can learn.  For example, today’s:

Thursday 13 Things I Learned From the (Original) Iron Chef.

1.  Some people can drink pureed raw sea cucumber without gagging.   And smile doing it.

2.  I cannot even watch other people drink raw, pureed sea cucumber without gagging.

3.  “This has – interesting flavor,” is Japanese for “That is the most repulsive thing I have ever tasted.”

4.   Stepping on an electrical cable while washing leeks will probably get you electrocuted.

5.   The timer in Kitchen Stadium does not stop for electrocutions.

6.   Eel innards are tasty.

7.  Watching someone else try to eat eel innards is funny.  (Even more so when they don’t want to offend the Chairman by spitting them out.)

8.  You can make an entire six-course meal primarily from cabbage.  Or leeks.  (Watch out for electrical cables.)

9.   Squid has no place in a gelato maker.

10.  But someone will put it in there anyway.

11.  Duct tape will hold a finger on (at least long enough to finish the competition, and if you win you can get by with nine).

12.  There is no part of any living thing that you cannot eat, if you’re determined enough.

13.  Although only one chef can win, every one of the judge-tasters can lose.

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