The Random Yak

July 2 was national “I Forgot Day.”

I meant to post about it well in advance, so you would know you had a legitimate excuse for anything you might not have remembered.  It’s not often we get a “get out of responsibility free” card, so I thought you’d want to hear about it.

But…I forgot.

Oops.

Yak the Younger leaves town for a week and I toss responsibility to the winds.  He’s still gone, but what comes up always comes down, and sometimes I’m standing under it when it does.  Like now.  When I realize I’ve neglected the blog.

Although I’ve deprived you of more than a week of gleeful celebration, let it be known that July 2010 is official:

Air-Conditioning Appreciation Month (101 in the shade last weekend. I’ll say I’m appreciative!)

Wheelchair Beautification Month (Hey! You kids!  Get outta here with those spray cans and stop tagging Gramma!)

Tour de France and Women’s Motorcycle Month  (I think a woman’s going to win the tour this year….because Harley beats Schwinn no matter how hard you pedal.)

and

National Child-Centered Divorce Month (Yes kids – it’s YOUR fault! BWAHAHAHAHA!)*

*(I am told I need to apologize for that last comment.  Please do not blame your divorce on the children.  Blame it on the dog instead.)

Given the Holiday weekend, and my recent preoccupation with a Super-Sekrit-Spy-Project that shall remain nameless for at least a while longer, a new month managed to sneak up on me without proper notice.

After forgiving me for depriving you of two and a half days of observational enlightenment, please be informed that June is official:

Ice Tea Month  (I made tea from ice once.  It tasted watery.)

Fireworks Safety Month (Let’s get it out of our systems before July!)

Lane Courtesy Month (Lane gets cuts in the Starbucks line all month.)

Effective Communications Month (I recommend the hurling of fragile objects and small animals.  They might not know why you’re objecting, but they’ll definitely know there’s a problem.)*

Candy Month (Let’s introduce her to Lane.)

Women’s Golf Month  (Fore!)

Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month (No, really.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.)

Smile Month (Remember the old adage: laugh and the world laughs with you, smile and they’ll wonder if you bite.)

* Disclaimer:  Please be informed that you should not take anything in italics seriously.  Now or ever. This is a humor blog. No small animals were harmed in the making of this entry.  The same cannot be said of fragile objects, because I know the state of the human ego.  Do not throw animals, glassware, grandma’s china, faberge eggs, tiffany lamps or anything else likely to shatter, break, stain, disfigure, discolor or really really frustrate the dust bunnies under the fridge.  I disclaim any and all responsibility, liability, emotional attachment and other consequences of your puerile insistence on mistaking my humor for serious advice, and for the drool-inducing IQ levels that might make you do so.  The fact that your genes hang out in the kiddie pool isn’t my problem, but I will remind you that a person can drown in less than two inches of water, so if you’re studying your toes too closely, please do not inhale.  Your actions, however conceived, are your own and if you break, injure, molest, squash, hyperventilate too close to or set ablaze any object or creature as a result of this or any other thing you’ve heard me say: I care. Really, I do, but that sounds like a personal problem to me.

Have a nice day.  Unless you’d rather not.

May flowers are upon us, and I don’t mean the kind that carry Pilgrims.  In addition, May brings us:

Brain tumor awareness month  (it might be a tumor….)

Older Americans Month (Something all but one of us can celebrate)

Tennis Month (don’t you just love it)

Salad Month (Save a salad…eat a steak!)

Egg Month and Hamburger Month (But hamburger *with* egg is meatloaf.)

Barbecue Month (good with the hamburger…not so much with eggs.)

and

Better Hearing and Speech Month (sorry, did you say something?)

Get out there and observe!

April 4-10 was official hate week.

I missed it.

I would hate it when that happens, but it’s apparently too late for that now.