The Random Yak

Thursday 13: Words of Wisdom

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 2:57 pm on April 16, 2008

Working on getting back into the blogging habit – it’s amazing how fast your skills deteriorate when you go idle for a while.  At any rate, though I promised not to turn this into the official “My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad Blog,” having to come up with 13 items on short notice did turn me in that direction.  Particularly since The Random Father very much wanted to see such a post during his lifetime, and I never had the opportunity to make good on the promise.

Therefore, instead of working my way through jellybeans or film scores, you get:

Thursday 13 Most Frequently Used Sayings From the Random Father

1.  Use Good Judgment.  (During my high school years, often interspersed with the popular variant: “Was that Good Judgment?”)

2.  Laugh it up, Fuzzball.  (Han Solo said it first, but The Random Father said it more.)

3.  I’ll be the judge of that.  (Generally offered in response to statements like, “I finished weeding the rose bed.”)

4.  Speak to me (as you often do).

5.  Don’t wig your brother.

6.  Do you want to play?  (Translation: Are you really stupid enough to think you can beat me in the courtroom?  I’m willing to prove you wrong.)

7.  Be the solution, not part of the problem.  (Yes, he omitted “part of” from the solution.  He believed – and in many cases proved – one person could make a difference.)

8.  Don’t be afraid to try a case.  (The larger principle – that if you have the courage to see a matter through to the end, you may not have to do so – applies far beyond the courtroom.)

9.  You can get people to do many things if you ask nicely.  (If that doesn’t work, refer to lesson #8.)

10.  Keep your sense of humor.

11.  Are you going to play, or are you going to whine about it?  (Note: This one actually does relate to sports rather than law practice, but despite the deceptive sentence structure, it doesn’t actually represent a choice.)

12.  Don’t throw like a girl.

13.  This is not a Grecian Tragedy.  Tears are not necessary.  (Applied, with equal effect, to everything from bruised knees to things most would probably consider real Grecian Tragedies.  In any event, it got us through.)

Take em home, use em with your kids.

I know I do.

Trackposted to Blue Star Chronicles, Pirate’s Cove, Rosemary’s Thoughts, Woman Honor Thyself, and Adam’s Blog, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.  

Thursday 13: March Madness Picks.

Filed under: Just Yaks,Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 1:24 pm on March 20, 2008

I’m trying to pretend I’m busy today (in reality, I’m just too tired to focus) but I wanted to pause just long enough to help those of you still working on your (now belated) basketball bracket picks.  Here are your Thursday 13 First-Round March Madness Basketball Picks:

1.  Kansas will beat Portland State.  (Note: this one’s particularly easy considering the game is already over.)

2.  Memphis will beat UT-Arlington.

3.  Texas A&M will beat BYU  (Yes, they’re aggies, but don’t mess with Texas)

4.  Texas will also win.  (See note on #3.  Always bet on Texas until at least the third round.)

5.  UCONN will beat San Diego (Note: UConn basketball > Uconn fencing.)

6.  Arizona will beat West Virginia (One of the few upsets I’m calling.)

7.  Stanford > Cornell (And you leave my grandfather out of this.)

8.  Indiana will beat Arkansas  (Upset, part deux.)

9.  Tennessee will beat American (Only to lose to North Carolina in the 4th Round, regardless of what the Maniyak thinks.)

10.  Louisville will beat Boise State (Mainly because I’ve heard of Louisville, but I can’t remember anything Boise’s done for me lately.)

11.  The University of Spoiled Children will defeat Kansas State (but suffer a humiliating defeat at the hands of Wisconsin later in the week)

12.  Georgetown will beat UMBC (primarily because UCLA is filling the “token victorious acronym” category this year)

13.  And, as stated above, UCLA will take out Mississippi Val, Texas A&M (sorry, mom), UConn and Duke (and then lose to Memphis in a round 5 game that apparently will take place only in my dreams, but there you have it.)

Disagree? Feel free to mix it up in the comments. 

Thursday 13: Weevil Slogans

Filed under: Just Yaks,Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 12:47 pm on February 14, 2008

In doing my best to ignore the fact that some people consider today a holiday of sorts, it occurred to me that I have yet to start campaigning on behalf of my chosen presidential candidate.

Granted, he hasn’t yet secured the nomination, but I won’t let that dampen my enthusiasm.  In light of this, here are my Thursday 13 Proposed Slogans for the Lesser Weevil McCain Presidential Campaign:

1.  John McCain  – Because I Ain’t Got a Dog In This Hunt.

2.  McCain:  I’m Lovin’ Toleratin’ It!

3.  Just a Little More Weevil Than The Next Guy

4.  Borders: Some Assembly Required.

5.  No Candidate Would Be Better In the White House.  (Note: Statistically, 12% of you got that.  The rest of you, reread aloud, emphasizing the word “No.”)

6.  If We Can’t Have Competence, At Least We Got Crazy.

7.  Yo Quiero…

8.  We Could Do Better … But Not in ’08.

9.  McCain ’08: We’ll Let You Know How It Works Out For Us.

10.  Because You Can’t Spell “Conservative” Without (Getting) S-e-r-v-e-(d).

11.  Snatching Ideological Defeat From The Jaws of Statistical Victory

12.  A Pancake In Every Aisle  (Note: Statistically, 25% of you got this one, all of whom know how you cook pancakes.)

13.  Because Pyrrhus Isn’t Available.

Got more? Toss em in the comments.  (And don’t think I’m done here…I can beat this weevil until November, and I’m not afraid to do it.)

Trackposted to Big Dog’s Weblog, Rosemary’s Thoughts, and Woman Honor Thyself, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.  

Thursday 13: Best Things About Christmas 2007

Filed under: Christmas Alliance,Holyday Yaks,Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 2:23 pm on December 27, 2007

1.  Spending the entire day with The Random Family, enjoying one another’s company and celebrating the birth of our LORD.

2.  Coming home from the midnight service on Christmas Eve to hear Yak the Younger say, “I feel closer to Jesus tonight than I ever did before.”

3.  On Christmas Day, I got a nap.

4.  Although we weren’t all together on Christmas Day, The Random Parents, The Random Sibling, The Random Family, The Random In-Laws and all their associated spouses and children were happy, healthy, warm and well-fed on Christmas.  (On second thought, this probably could have gone up to #1.  In this, our Christmas was truly blessed.) 

5.  Prime rib on Christmas Eve, and turkey on Christmas night (and leftovers from both!)

6.  More new books than I can shake a Yak at.

7.  The post office found the missing parcel.*  (It arrived this morning – which means YtY doesn’t have to wait for the New Year to get his stormglass after all.) (* Note: this qualifies as a true “Christmas Miracle,” despite it happening two days after.)

8.  Did I mention my nap?

9.  Managing to get through Christmas without a cat eating too much of the Christmas tree (or having to clean up the inevitable results).

10.  Playing mad scientist with Yak the Younger’s new crystal-growing set (and somehow managing to keep the kitchen intact).

11.  Yep.  Another nap.

12.  Reflecting on the blessings of 2007 and looking forward to the blessings of 2008.

13.  Watching the mental Bengal (yeah, the one on Prozac) finally play with the new kitten in a way that didn’t involve attempted kitticide.  (Once.  For approximately 15 seconds, until she realized the kitten was winning.  But hey, it’s a start.)

Thursday 13: I Can Has Catblogging?

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 12:53 pm on October 11, 2007

A source which shall remain nameless (cough … blogging partner … cough) has told me I may not catblog.  Well, not in so many words.  The statement sounded more like, “catblogging?  I take a few weeks off and you start cat blogging?” 

I’m reading between the lines.

Now, I admit I might have blogged once or twice about the new kitten living on my side of the mountain, but I don’t think it’s yet risen to the level of “catblogging.”  In fact, I can give you 13 good reasons why it hasn’t – which is why I titled today’s offering:

13 Ways to Tell I’m Not Catblogging

1.  No posted photographs of new kitten in cute poses.

2.  Cat-related anecdotes kept to a minimum.

3.  Although I often release the snark, I’m seldom … (wait for it…)  catty.

4.  General absence of LOLCats

 

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5.  On second thought, disregard Item #4.

6.  It’s been at least two weeks since I used The Phrase We Do Not Say(*** ****!)

7.  I have exhibited a markedly improved ability to refrain from biting the doctor.  (The kitten, not so much.)

8.  Less than ten percent of the entries on this blog actually focus on the subject of cats.  (Outgoing links excepted.)

9.  No photographs of the older cats in not-so-cute poses.

10.  Only one feline guestblogger.

11.  Friday entries specifically state they are not catblogging.

12.  I have never actually let my cats blog.  (Don’t tell Ferdy.)

13.  Hairballs form only a very minor sub-sub meme, and don’t even have their own category.

Linking to others offering Thursday 13s at third world county and Dane Bramage.

Thursday 13: Reasons I Like Christmas

Filed under: Christmas Alliance,Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 4:32 pm on October 3, 2007

I originally considered a number of other topics, ranging from “Thursday 13 Reasons I Really Don’t Need Another Cat” (Statistically, 15% of you remember why that’s relevant) to “Thursday 13 Reasons to Join the Christmas Alliance” (passed over for now, but trust me, it’s coming back at a more timely moment), but somehow this one seemed to work.

Before you ask, I have no idea why the Christmas Bug decided to up and bite.  Could be the fact that we had several days’ worth of teasingly nice rainy weather, followed by what would be called an Indian Summer but for the facts that: (a) I don’t know the politically correct term (Native American Summer?) and (b) summer didn’t really let go yet (despite what the mulberry trees in my backyard happen to believe).

Whatever the reason, I guess it’s the Season, because the Christmas Spirit started rattling the chains in my head, and I’m going with:

Thursday 13 Reasons I Like Christmas

1.  Jesus is a pretty cool guy.  (For Him, even Yaks celebrate birthdays.)

2.  Christmas carols.  (Preferably old ones.)

3.  Cookies, cookies, cookies. 

4.  The ability to give presents to other people.  (Without having to come up with an excuse.)

5.  Christmas trees.  With sparkly globes and twinkly lights. 

6.  The ability to talk about God with those who aren’t receptive to Christ at other times of the year.

7.  TINSEL!  WOO!

8.  Unlimited entertaining subjects to blog, meaning I can post easily even from the weeds.

9.  Christmas lights. 

10.  Did I mention the cookies?

11.  The Christmas Alliance.  (Shameless plug.  Get used to it…)

12.  Playing “Santa” for my son.  (He knows the truth, but he likes to pretend, and I love seeing his face when he wakes up to see last night’s “empty” tree transformed by the addition of presents.)

13.  Having my family together and happy and knowing that other families, known and unknown, have also gathered together to joyfully celebrate Jesus’ birth.

Linked to the Thursday 13 Hub and to others offering Thursday 13s at: third world county (Favorite Kitchen Tools) and Taking the Challenge (13 Apple Hill Photographs)

Thursday 13: Alternative Ways to Have an Even Better Day

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 7:00 pm on September 26, 2007

Friend and blogging ally David of third world county has posted a Thursday 13 Ways to Have a Better Day.  Given my current status (Weeds! Weeds Everywhere!) and lack of inspiration, it occurred to me that I could piggyback on his ideas (aka: “steal his topic”) and offer suggestions for those unable to follow his advice word for word.

In light of this (and with sincere apologies to third world county) I’m offering the following:

Thursday 13 Alternative Ways to Have a Better Day – In Case You Can’t Completely Comply With TWC’s Suggestions

(Note: you’d better go read David’s post first, or this one won’t make nearly as much sense.  Done there? OK…read on…)

1.  If you can’t think happy thoughts, think well-sugared ones.  (Cut off on the road?  Sounds like someone needs a cookie…)

2.  Laugh at people who frustrate you.  Don’t explain why.  (Smiling makes them think you’re crazy … laughing makes them desperate to find an excuse to leave the room and figure out what’s unbuttoned.)

3.  Leave your shoes sitting by the door to your office, with the left one about 9″ in front of the right one.  If someone asks, tell them the shoes were just going out to get you a Starbucks.  (Extra points if you can keep a straight face long enough to ask the questioner if (s)he wants the shoes to bring something back for them too.)

4.  Try to convince a solicitor to buy something from you instead.  (Bonus: make it something that doesn’t exist.  We call this the “everyone needs a Shiny Dinglehopper” game.)

5.  Find one of the household (or office) messes nobody ever wants to clean up.  The ones that sit around forever, waiting for someone to give in.  Clean it up.  When someone asks whether you know who cleaned it up, deny the mess ever existed.  (Note: bonus points for not hogging credit, probable loss of points for messing with people’s minds – but if you’re having that kind of a day, go for it.)

6.  While you’re being pleasant to idiots, give them the kind of compliment that makes you smile inside without attracting attention.  (My personal favorite:  “You know, nobody could do this job better than you just did it.”  Think about that one for a minute.  Statistically, 87% of you will smile, and the other 13% had someone say it to you today already.)

7.  After you turn off the news, make up a story that justifies the immediate consumption of cookies.  (For example:  Baking cookies generates heat.  Heat causes global warming.  Therefore, cookies cause global warming.  Eating the cookies consumes objects responsible for global warming.  Therefore, you’re not eating cookies, you’re saving the planet.)

8.  Ditto for the ice cream.  (Cows cause global warming. Ice cream comes from cows. You get the picture.)

9.  Take another nap.  (If you’re in the office, wear sunglasses.)

10.  Laugh at life’s little annoyances.  (You’ll feel better, and there’s also the side benefit of making them think they stepped in something.)

11.  Intentionally omitted.  (I was going to combined “coffee” and “beer” – but there are some things even I won’t do.)

12.  Practice random acts of prayer on behalf of those whose bodies you would otherwise be burying.  (You know exactly what I’m talking about.  Wipe that look off your face and get to it.)

13.  Forgive the blogger who tried to crib a Thursday 13 off of your much better and more inspired version of the same topic, on the grounds that imitation is the sincerest (if least inventive) form of flattery.

Thursday 13: A Day Without Observances

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 2:56 pm on September 19, 2007

My sources tell me we have no official observances to celebrate on September 20.  For those of us who try to find something to celebrate every day (the stranger the better) this leaves a great, gaping hole in our observational year.  In honor of this, and in the interest of helping others, permit me to introduce today’s

Thursday 13 Observances You Could Celebrate Today

1.  Reverse Global Warming Appreciation Day.  (With ‘reverse’ modifying either ‘global warming’ – because it’s raining here – or ‘appreciation.’)

2.  More Coffee Day.  (Granted, we do this one every day.) 

3.  Sleep Is For The Weak Day (A natural corollary of #2)

4.  Talk to a Plant Day  (But you have to supply your own factory)

5.  Share the Cookies Day (Observance deleted for inappropriate content. -Ed.)

6.  Read a Book by the Fire Day  (The first rainstorm of the season is a terrible thing to waste)

8.  Learn to Count Day  (Statistically, 47% of you got that.  Another 14% will get it in approximately 2 minutes.)

9.  Dress Like a Mime Day (Followed tomorrow by “Enjoy the Hospital Day”)

10.  Give the Cat a Bite Day (Are you eating? The cat wants a bite.  Go ahead and bite him.)

11.  Telemarketer Annoyance Day (The man of the house? Oh yes, he’s right here.  He’s two…)

12.  Lose the Other Sock Day (Ever notice you only lose one?  Lose the other one.  You’ll feel better.)

13.  Catapult a Solicitor For Peace Day (Is that a trebuchet I see before me?)

Linked to the Thursday 13 Hub and others offering Thursday 13′s at: Blue Star Chronicles (Places to See in Germany), and Taking the Challenge (Pictures from a Trip to the Mendocino Coast and Sonoma).

Thursday 13: Reasons I’m Glad to be Back

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 9:20 am on September 13, 2007

Although I had a wonderful time in Maui, I’m now back and facing the realities of work, blogging and a lawn that had time to steal a ten-day midsummer march on me.  In the interest of counting my blessings, however, I’m going to spend the time to compile my:

Thursday 13 Reasons I’m Glad I’m Back From Maui

1.

 

(Someone throw me a line here.)

Thursday 13: Things That Could Outrun David Beckham

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 6:29 am on August 22, 2007


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Thursday 13: Random Topics Upon I Wish I Had Time to Write Today

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 2:47 pm on July 26, 2007

1. Does the fact that an article titled “Monks Pray for Doomed Bull,” (discussing the planned execution of a sacred bull infected with tuberculosis) made the top ten headlines at ABC News this afternoon represent: (a)not much happened in the world this afternoon or (b) someone misinterpreted the recent ABC newseditorialmemoinstructing writers to “showrespect for sacred cows.”

2. Why the Hawaiian name forthe very large BlackMarlin (A’u) contains only two letters, while the name for the Hawaiian name for the very small Reef Triggerfish (Humuhumunukunukuapua’a) contains 21.

3. Ward Churchill: Now Even More Academic. (Statistically, 32% of you got that. The others just turned to a nearby co-worker and asked “You ever heard of Ward Churchill?” – thereby proving my point.)

4. Why the Chinese could care less whether Steven Spielberg quits as artistic advisor to the Beijing Olympics (subtitled: “the fact that you made ‘E.T.’ doesn’t mean you get to run the world”).

5. Dandelions: Flowers, Not Weeds.

6. Why blogging silences the voices in my head, and why we should encourage this on an ongoing basis.

7. A field guide to identification andmigratory patternsof the North American Tube Sock.

8. How long (read: short) we will have to wait for public outcry on the new “fat friends make you fat” study.(Note: In a remarkable show of restraint, I managed not to weigh in on this one.)

9. Bad puns and the people who love them.

10. Why I always seem to end up with excellent lists of twelve items for Thursday 13 posts.

11. The five news stories I cannot discuss, because even mentioning the titles violatesThe Random Yak’s Big Book of Blogging Rules, and why CNN can discuss them even though I can’t. (See also: Taboo-loading, a termreferencing the relative “bang for the buck” associated with use of certain taboo terms and subjects.)

12. How many cookies does it take to choke a yak? (Note: Technically, this qualifies as ‘lab science.’)

13. The difficulty of maintaining a long-established blogging style while eliminating one of the most commonly-used verbsin the English language.

Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, The Pet Haven, and Public Eye, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Thursday 13: Bad Things

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 2:25 pm on July 19, 2007

1. Stolen ideas from Bloggin’ Outloud’s Thursday 13 list other bloggers without giving proper credit.

2. Intentionally continued use of certain memes, despite (or perhaps because of) thefact they drive my blogging partner up the nearest tree.

3. Eaten the last (insert tasty food-related item) when I knew someone else might have wanted it. (Though in fairness, they clearly didn’t want it as badly as I did…)

4. Refused to let it go.

5.Used my superhuman powers of graphic description in an inappropriate manner while others were eating. (Note use of past tense, “were.”)

6. Forgotten to do the dishes when it was my turn. (Possibly on purpose, though you can’t prove it.)

7.Took the chalk and erasers off the blackboardin my ninth grade English classroom and hid them in the hung ceiling. (Daily. Fora period ofweeks.)

8. Returned them all on the same day, after accumulating a collection that overflowed both the chalk rail andthe teacher’s desk. (The look on the teacher’s face didn’t make it right, but it did make it worthwhile.)

9.Forgotten to return library books. (And then moved out of state…)

10.Refused to let it go. (Statistically, 22% of you just laughed. The others are wondering why I keep bringing it up…)

11. Deliberately overprunedmy trees in order to inconvenience an obnoxious neighbor. (Think it over, it’ll make sense eventually.)

12. Intentionally annoyed the cat. (Actually, I consider this more ‘well-deserved payback’ and less ‘bad thing’ – but not everyone in my house agrees withmy characterization.)

13. Eaten Yak the Younger’scandy and framed The Random Spouse for the crime. (Let the one who has never let a spouse take the blame for his-or-her own actions cast the first stone. I’m waiting…)

A major tip of the horns to Lyn Perry of Bloggin’ Outloud, both for coming up with the original idea and (hopefully) for being able to recognize the complimentintended by this posting.


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Thursday 13: Excuses for Not Mowing the Lawn

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 9:11 am on June 28, 2007

I’m off to a meeting this morning, which should last most of the day, but in the interest of something more entertaining than “This Space Intentionally Left Blank” here are my:

Thursday 13: Excuses for Not Mowing the Lawn

1. I might accidentally run over the baby praying mantis (plural) we recently released in the yard.

2. The dandelions are in bloom.

3. It’s too hot to mow. (But not to swim…)

4. I just sweptthefront steps last week, and I’ll get grass clippings all over them.

5. Too busy barbecuing.

6. The mower ran out of gas, and the can is all the way over there by the garage. (Note: this works better when your yard is bigger than 1/3 of an acre.)

7. A bed fell on me. I’m not fully recovered.

8.Do I seehomemade cookies andlemonade?

9. Mowing is so conformist. You just want me to do it because all the neighbors do…

10. The beesprefer the clover high. (I’m not procrastinating, I’mpromoting the honey industry.)

11. We can’t be sure that’s a thistle until it reachesat least 14″ in height.

12. If I mow, I’ll no longer be in the weeds.

13. The lawn looks just fine from any room without a window.

Linked to the T.13 Car Maintenance Tips at third world county.

Trackposted to Pirate’s Cove, Webloggin, Wake Up America, Conservative Cat, and Pursuing Holiness, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.


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Thursday 13: Product Slogan Quiz

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 11:29 am on June 21, 2007

Today’s Thursday 13 Offering comes directly from the weeds…and will doubtless drive my jingle-hating blogging partner a bit closer to the edge than usual. Still, any port in a storm and this one has the dual advantages of providing useless random entertainment and torquing a buddy. (Plus, I’m a trademark lawyer, and I tend to remember this stuff.) ‘Nuff said.

Answer in the comments as always, anda second round of kudos to LoveAllBooks forthe best – and therefore winning -answer to the last T-13 Quiz (yeah, I missed last week…sorry ’bout that), extending the current winning streak to 2 weeks in a row.

And now, with no further delay:

Thursday 13 Product Slogan Quiz

Can you name the product based on the slogans below? (Warning: a couple may be tough. No Googling.)

1. We bring good things to life.

2. It’s New to You!

3. Quality is Job #1.

4. …the world may never know.

5. Nobody doesn’t like ________________.

6. The silver bullet.

7. Hasn’t scratched yet.

8. Gotta have sweet?

9. Like a rock.

10. What can brown do for you?

11. Solutions for a small planet.

12. Yeah, we’ve got that.

13. Hold that Tiger!

Give it your best shot in the comments. Winner announced next week.

Linked to the Thursday 13 Hub and tothe T-13 atthird world county (13 Things to Hate About ATT/Cingular). Offering a T-13? Feel free to link or trackback.

Thursday 13: A Palindrome Game

Filed under: Thursday Thirteen — Random Yak @ 10:26 am on June 7, 2007

It’s almost summer, and I’m in the mood for a game. Today’s offering:

Thursday 13 Palindrome Quiz

Take a look at the list below. The answer to eachclue is a palindrome. Some are easy, others not so much. Give your answers in the comments, as before.

1. Always odd.

2. Carpenters use it.

3. When boating, palindrome enthusiasts prefer a …

4. Male and female.

5.Lady, I was here first. (Warning: this one is a “translation” more than a clue, and it’s intentionally tricky – though with this clue it’s probably not anymore.)

6. Vroom vroom.

7. Songs for one.

8. Watch out for kitty andpuppy, you might tread on their tails.

9. When the shoe is undone, you should…

10. Some of us prefer to fly under it.

11. Lunchtime.

12. Unintelligent liquified earth could be called…

13. RNs flee.

Kudos to Loveallbooks, thereigning quiz champion, who gavea full set of correct answers to last week’s science fiction movie quotes quiz.

Linked to the Thursday 13 Hub and to others offering Thursday 13s at: LoveallBooks (13 TV Shows I Will Always Love), andThe So-Called Me (Favorite Haunts),


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