The Random Yak

A Disturbing U.S-E.R. Development

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 4:28 pm on October 28, 2009

Some of you probably don’t remember the U.S-E.R. feature, in which we point out the week’s “Unique, Self-Educating Referrers” – those unique incoming web stats that tell us something about ourselves we didn’t already know.  And, in most cases, probably didn’t want to.

It has come to my attention that The Random Yak ranks #2 on a Google web search for “Au Naturel Cat Drool.”

Disturbing Lesson #1:  Someone out there searched for it.

Disturbing Lesson #2:  Someone else out there apparently has even more to say about it than I do.

I could go on, but I think that’s about all the disturbing I can handle in one afternoon.

U.S-E.R. of the Day: A Sincere Apology

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 2:11 pm on June 17, 2008

We here at The Random Yak would like to extend our most sincere apologies to all the googlers ending up here after searching for “Hot Asian Chicks.” Sadly, there are no Hot Asian Chicks here. Also no Hot Asian Babes.

The fault lies with the recent embedded-text spam attacks, and the fact that I’m still scrubbing the residue off the walls.

In the interest of helping you out, however, we do offer the following link, to a photo of one dude and some excellent looking chicks.  

Go on.  Click it.  You know you want to.

I Guess it Really is All About Global Warming

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 9:05 am on April 25, 2007

Today’s Unique, Self-Educating Referrer has taught us two important lessons:

First: The Random Yak is the #1 site in the Googleverse which corresponds to the description “take two they’re small blog

Second: No matter where you go, Global Warming will find you – as illustrated by the fact that the “take two, they’re small” search led directly to this post. Not to put too fine a point on it, the post in question suggests that in some circles, the best cure for global warming is global thermonuclear war.(Shall we play a game?)

Somehow, I doubt our (probably highly confused) U.S-E.R had either of these in mind.


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Reflections Upon Learning My Place in the Universe

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 2:05 pm on April 11, 2007

Everyone has a skill.

Everyone was placed on this planet for a reason.

Every life has a purpose.

Sadly, it appears this one is mine.

For those too lazy (or frightened) to click the link: somewhere outthere a poor, lost soul Googled “oobie sock” – and in the moment of great confusion and despair…The Random Yak was there for them.

Not once, but twice.

Yes, my place in the Universe is atop the search list for “oobie sock.”

To which I can say only one thing: oobie, oobie, oobie.

U.S-E.R. of the Day: Random Yaks

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 12:59 pm on April 10, 2007

Sincere thanks to today’s Unique, Self-Educating Referrer for showing us The Random Yak sits atop the MSNleader board on searches for “print things about yaks for children.”

Sadly, the entries MSN located had more to do with uncontrolled wildfires, fine print and children climbing Everest than things one might be able to learn about good ol’ bos grunniens- so in the spirit of full cooperation and assistance, here are a few Random Facts About Yaks:

1. Yaks eat only about half as much grass or hay as the average beef cow (but twice as many cookies.)

2. Yaks grunt when agitated or calling their young. (The battle cry of theYak is indistinguishable from that of the Western Snub-Nosed Snark.)

3. Young Yaks are typically born in June. (Yak the Younger is no exception.)

4. Yaks often charge intruders (and prefer payment in small, unmarked bills).

5. The first charge is ordinarily a bluff (except when dealing with unwanted solicitors).

Trackposted to Pet’s Garden Blog, and basil’s blog, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.


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U.S-E.R. of the Day: History of Procrastination Week

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 11:52 am on March 19, 2007

Thanks to today’s featured Unique, Self-Educating Referrer for letting me know that The Random Yak is the #3 authority in the Googleverse when it comes to understanding the history of national procrastination week.

Surprisingly, there is no National Procrastination Week website.

As an authority in the area, I’ll get right on that.

Tomorrow.

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U.S-E.R. of the Day: Inadvertent Googlebaiting Strikes Again

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 1:31 pm on March 1, 2007


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Sock Puppets, Abraham Lincoln and Business as Usual

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 9:24 am on January 12, 2007

Although I’ve derived no small amusement from the wacky sitemeter and referrer-log readings we’ve had over the past few days, I must admit I’m very pleased to see the ship has apparently righted.

As of this morning Sitemeterreportshits in a reasonable range(though still up from normal) and the referrer log once again offers real fodder, in the form of Unique, Self-Educating Referrers (U.S-E.R.s) like this one:

The Random Yak is the #1 spot in theGoogleverse for information about “how to make sock puppets, Abraham Lincoln

If I remember the actual post Google references in that search, the seeker definitely isn’t going to find what (I assume) (s)he was looking for. The post,titled “The Care and Feeding of Sock Puppets,” talked about the use of false Internet identities to bolster one’s status in the (virtual) public square. Well, ok. It made fun of people who do so, in a FAQ format. Butit was still a pretty good post, if I do say so myself,so I won’t feel too badly about someone ending up there by mistake.

Though for the record, I don’t think I actually mentioned Abraham Lincoln.

Still, it’s refreshing – and reassuring – to know things are back to normal – or what passes for it on our side of the mountain. Thanks to this morning’s U.S-E.R. for pointing it out.

Update: 2007.01.12: 0923 PST:Although I didn’t reference Abraham Lincoln, the Random Maniyak’s comment does mention Lincoln, in the context of the play being performed at Ford’s theater the evening Lincoln was shot. It seems Google > Yak memory on that one, though the roles reverse when you move from theoretical to applied memory. At least for now.

Decorating the Bathroom for Christmas

Filed under: Christmas Alliance,U.S-E.R's,Yak Rants — Random Yak @ 2:06 pm on December 14, 2006

Some things, you never wanted to know you were good at.

I don’t think I everdecorated a bathroom in my life (I know I wouldn’t admit it if I had), but that doesn’t seem to factor into Google’s decision to name me one of the top authorities on bathroom decoration. Because, according to Google and today’s unique, self-educating referrer, I am the #25 authority in the Googleverse onChristmas decorations for the bathroom.

Or, more specifically, on “how to decorate an office bathroom for Christmas.”

Never wanting to letthe public down, permit me to offer the following advice on decorating the office bathroomfor Christmas:

Don’t.

The snark gets loose (and potty humor abounds) below the fold. (more…)

U.S-E.R. of the Day: You Still

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 1:17 pm on December 7, 2006

Notice and Disclaimer: The followingUnique, Self-Educating Referrer (U.S-E.R.) post will be almost completely unintelligible to anyone but gamer geeks. It has been posted anyway due to the fact that the content is really and trulyfunny beyond belief to anyone familiar with the concept (at least, that;s my story and I’m sticking to it, since the rest of you can’t tell the difference anyway). If you’re not a gamer geek, I suggest you grab a cup of coffee, read the post, spit the coffeeon your screen and laugh hysterically for aboutfive minutes. Whenco-workers ask what’s going on, you can simply respond, “I’d tell you, but you wouldn’t get it. It’s a gamer thing,”thereby increasing your status in the eyes of the I.T.department and guaranteeing your computer needs will be met more quickly than those of your non-gamer co-workers. Don’t say I never did anything to advance your career.

I don’t blog much about my MMO habit, primarily because most of you really aren’t interested in whether or not my guild brought down Ossirian (we did) and whether or not my ZG run is going well (it is). Most of you don’t know I playan endgame priest, and most of you don’t care (And the ones that do (a) already know and (b) would really rather not share anyway. A good holy priest is hard to find.).

More to the point, I play a priest without modsand to date, no one has been able to tell the difference (when you’re good enough, you can play with the default UI – neener neener).

Which is why I was startled and more than a little disturbed to see that someone had managed to reach this blog from a Google search for “threat meter 18.6 warcraft(to say nothing of my concern at discovering I ranked #8…).

For the record: I don’t use threatmeter, but if you’re a mage, a ‘lock or any other damage class that can’t feign or vanish, you’d better. Not because your raid leader said to, and not because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t. Do it, because otherwise the next words you hear after “pulling” are likely to be, “Hang on. Rez incoming.”

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled-mostly-English-language-blog.

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A Little Too Close for Comfort

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 10:44 am on November 30, 2006

I see some strange things in the referrer log.Most of the timethey make sense, sometimes they don’t, and occasionally they’re downright strange – butthey’re always interesting and usually informative.

Which is why I paused when I saw someone had come in from a Google search for “the most annoying site in the Universe.”

Yikes.

Talk about infamy.

I reversed the referrer (with no small amount of trepidation) to see precisely where we stand on this particular point….and found something – or rather nothing – of concern.

From what I can see, The Random Yak shows up nowhere on the first five pages (and I really wasn’t all that concerned with the remainder) – news that left me both relieved and concerned.

If we don’t show up on the search…how did someone get here from there? One option, of course, is that they got tired of searching for more annoying sites and merely used the favorites bar to come back to the most annoying site they’d found thus far…but that doesn’t exactly work, because our referrer log normally counts those as “direct” entrances, not referrers.

Needless to say, I’m confused.

Still, it’s nice to know that – at least for the moment – we’re still not the most annoying site in the Universe.

After all, it’s important to have something to work for.

… And I wasn’t even Googlebaiting for it…

Filed under: Just Yaks,U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 2:45 pm on November 27, 2006

It doesn’t surprise me to scroll through the referrer log and find a variety of yak-related google searches.

When you blog as “The Random Yak” you’re bound to become the Googleverse’s authority (not always leading) on a variety of critically important subjects such as “random facts about yaks,” “yak noises” (don’t read all of the higher-level entries) and”lifespan of a yak.” One might say it goes with the territory.

But occasionally the referrer log throws me a curve ball. Or, more accurately, one of our Unique, Self-Educating Referrers (U.S-E.R.s)teaches me I’m apparently a leading authority on things I never knew I understood.

Case in point: “Random Chicken Facts.” Yep – #6 in the Googleverse for random facts about chickens. Go, me.

According toThe Yak’s Big Book of Authoritative Behavior (2d), “an authority never leaves his-or-her public in need.” And so, with no further ado, permit me to share a few Random Facts About Chickens:

1. Chickens are very tasty, particularly when fried. (Note: a good authority places the really important fact right up front where you can find it easily.)

2. Fried chicken goes well with potatoes, gravy and corn, but does not do so well in the ice cream maker. (Thank you, Iron Chef…)

3. Chickens are not too bright. (Some people say otherwise, but when was the last time you saw a chicken graduating from Yale? Turkeys, yes. Chickens, no.)

4. Chicken feathers make soft, comfortable pillows. (At least,my cat thinks so. I don’t actually get to use the pillow much lately, due to the fact that there’s usually a gigantic cat lying on it.)

5. Left to their own devices, chickens will chase children (particularly annoying children whose Kung Fu is not strong…).

The Yak’s Big Book of Authoritative Behavior (2d) also states that “a good authority knows when the gag is over and it’s time to shut up and go away.”

That would be now.

Thanksgiving Yak FAQ-cetious Turkey Interview Gobbledygook Squawkback

Filed under: Faith Yak,Frivol,Just Yaks,U.S-E.R's,Wordyak — Maniyak @ 9:13 am on November 22, 2006

Dear TRY

In response to the Random Yak’s F(requently) A(musing) but Q(uerulous) “Ask The Turkey” Thanksgiving post, “Random Thanksgiving” googlebaiting and inquiries about avuncular, the Maniyak would like the TRY reading public worldwide to beinformed that:

1. That turkey pic must have been taken when it was dressed up on Halloween as a peahen. Or else he/she/it is an escapee from an experiment involving chameleon DNA.

2. If I am avuncular, it’s my brother’s fault. My sister could have tied this label to me, of course, but apparently preferred the zero population growth option. Besides, I’m not all that avuncular anymore; I’ve had all my carbuncles punctured. I remain, however, evocative and rambunctious, if that helps.

3. The world’s first palindrome was “Eve.” (Which is why men love spare-ribs.)

4. Only yaks consider kayak the world’s first palindrome. It was created by a beautiful but somewhat backward and dyslexic yak named Kay, who married a forward-looking guy named Yak, and together they went down the river.

5. Yes there is something to be thankful for besides food, family, friends and football. There’s frivol, frolic and faith.

Speaking of frivol, Adam was lonely as the only human being in the world, so he went to God and asked whether he could have some human companionship. God said, Yes, he could give Adam the most lovely, intelligent, perfect being that the human species could imagine, but it would cost him an arm and a leg. Adam pondered for a while and then asked, “What could I get for a spare rib?”

Feelin

Filed under: U.S-E.R's — Random Yak @ 3:29 pm on November 21, 2006

Leafing through the referrer log (to use the slightly ironic vernacular) I came upon the following Google Search of Interest(“Use avuncular in a sentence”).

It would appear that the Random Maniyak has provided a wee bit of inadvertent assistance to the avuncularly-challenged.

Unfortunately, it would also appear that he was beaten out by the following websites(none of which, for the record, seems half as avuncular as the Maniyak himself):

1. “Women, Crime and language” (I’ll take “What’s the opposite of avuncular” for $1000, Alex).

2. Inhibitory links: spread the word (ok, this guy claims to try and use “avuncular” in a sentence on a daily basis. Why, I’m not sure, but I’ll give him Googlebaiting points for trying.)

3. Politics and Religion in Virginia’s Public Square (Interesting, but the word in question shows up primarily because the user mis-spelled it.)

4. A story about an East German spymaster. (Ve haff vays of making you avuncular…)

5. The X-Entertainment blog (I didn’t click. I’m not linking. Some things, we’re all better off not knowing.)

6. The “MySpace” page of someone whose “lifelong dream” is use of the word “avuncular” in a sentence. (Well, if you’re going to dream, dream….avuncularly. Way to reach for the stars, dude.)

7. Some kind of lesson tutor website. At least, that’s what it claimed to be. Again, I got a little gunshy and didn’t actually take the click.

Still, the Maniyak has to feel pretty good about being the eighth most avuncular guy on the ‘net. Me, I have to make do with being able to use it in a sentence.

Linked to the “Eaten by Locusts”OTP at third world county.


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